My sister got married last weekend. This marriage is one of progression for my family; the fact that my parents acknowledge it at all shows me they are less conservative in thought than they are in speech.
1. It is her second marriage - her first ending in divorce.
It is accepted in my family that divorce does not dissolve a marriage in the eyes of G-d. Before she married her new husband, my mother often made speeches about her still being married and she would only accept her divorce as long as she never married anyone else.
My father broke down at the ceremony when he was giving a prayer-blessing over the marriage. He would not give his blessing, or offer a prayer, if he did not believe the marriage to be real, important and valid. He did not pray for G-d to accept this marriage as the true one, and dissolve the other, he prayed for the unity of the couple.
2. She is marrying a Jehovah's Witness
My family is conservative, protestant, evangelical Christian. This pretty much means there is no room for interpretation of the Bible, or of G-d, or righteous living, than the one they prescribe to. While my sister may not know what important theological differences there are between JW and Xns, my parents believe they are fully aware. (Neither of them have been educated or done any sort of theological or biblical history reading outside of the Xn Bible. Max Lucado does not count).
When she first started dating this man, my parents were sure that it would not last, it was too soon after her divorce, and most men would be scared off. Then, as they got more serious, they assumed that it was only because her first marriage ended badly, the next man she dated was a real piece of work (fill in your own term), and because this man treated her decently she was with him. They assumed she would meet someone with whom there were more shared beliefs, and she would realize he was not what she needed.
My sister has never been a straight-A student, but she sure is smart. She started talking about getting engaged and marrying this man months before the engagement ever happened. The parents were forced to warm up to the idea, just because it was talked about so frequently and become a regular part of conversation. When it was announced they were engaged, it was not a surprise, and since it was expected it was accepted. She, then, wasted no time in planning it and getting hitched. Two months later she was married, with a lot of help from both families in the planning. She kept my parents so busy they had no time to argue over the phone about it, and she did not ask their approval or for my fathers blessing.
What this means to me
My cousin is a lesbian, is married and has a child with her partner. They are not talked about, I have never met her, and her parents don't even talk to her or treat her as family. She has basically been exiled. As a in-the-closet bisexual (watch for how I apply this to myself not as gender/orientationally confused in a future post), this is especially distressing.
I have been telling my family for years that I don't want kids, and do not see myself getting married. This is so that they will not ask questions, and will have some sort of answers to give my relatives when they ask why I am still single. I convince them it is because a) I don't like kids and b) that kids happen only inside marriage -- this translates to them that I believe marriage is for procreation. Let me assure you that this is not what I believe in the slightest.
My hope is that eventually, if I do meet a man or woman who I love and trust enough to enter into a marriage with, that they will be excited that I found someone at all! I know that I am dreaming that this would be their reaction, but maybe if people like my sister keep making my parents realize they do not believe in practice what they believe in thought, then I'll have half a chance of having them acknowledge my love to whoever I choose.
Not only did my sister marrying someone my parents would normally never have accepted, she did it in a second marriage! And my father prayed for her, not in a way for her to be fixed either!
This sort of boggles my mind.
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